Warning
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Some of the content in this post is very open. Some viewers may not like what they read, this is a message to the people the world who know me well and mostly this is a broken teary eyed confession to God. A word to the unbelievers if you doubt the higher power of God. I urge all of you to examine my story. I hope that it speaks to you ro begin a relationship with God, if you haven't already started.
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Have you ever heard of the expression "what doesn't KILL you makes you stronger?
If you want to know my big secret here it is. I'm a Christian.
Not one of those Christians that just goes to church on Sundays and than does what he wants for the rest of the week. No sir, that life isn't for me.
I lived that life and still professed I was a Christian. But during the week I would be like everyone else in the world, hitting on girls, drinking, never doing homework and most of all.
I didn't know anything about the Bible. As I was going along in life as we so often do I was spending time with my fair share of girls, thinking ok "Anthony your in college now, your going have a chance to sleep with all these girls."
Well to explain to you the REASON I crawled and cried for Christ Jesus can be described in one word. "patterns." I grew up like any other kid loving family with some issues but were hidden from everybody else.
Level ONE of my Patterns
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I was born and died only to be revived by hospital staff.
When I was incohearant on the brink of death the doctors told my parents that I had suffered servere damage to my brain, due to the lack of oxygen that I recieved.
I was born the with my twin brother Angelo who I am older to by 3 minutes. He hates it when I mention that, but hey I'm not going to argue with facts because sometimes thats just the way things go.
The so called damage to btain left me with a disabilluty which the health care professionals would call Cerebral Palsy.
I don't my parents were fully ready for the responsibillity that came with me. It was hard on them from the get go. My mother and father were simple factory workers in the area Stratford Ontario.
Alot of sacrifices were made on my parents behalf so that I could have a subpar life even with the difficulties of my disabillity.
My father did everything he could to help me. To say that I had a normal childhood would be an overstatement. I spent most of child visiting doctors , specialists and going in and out of hospitals.
It first started out with 1 surgery than 2, then 6 , 9 and finally 11. Yes that is correct you heard me right I did say 11 surgies.
Pattern 2
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Even though my parents did everything they could for me, Life at home was difficult. I was a very bitter child, suffering from an eating disorder. Just how bad was this eating disorder. I can admit now I never liked it much at home, I spent numerous days at my Gtandmothers house.
I can honestly say this, the very reason I managed to survive my childhood was becaause of the time I spent with my grandmother. There I was the happiest because my grandparents didn't look at me as a disappointment, but it was the complete opposite.
They spent a little more than there remaining years spending time with me. Come to think of it, I can't imagine what there phone bill must have been like. I must have called there six times a day. I was 11 years old when my grandmother took me to my first church services. I couldn't really understand what it actually meant to go ton church.
At the age of 14 I lost my grandma, it was extremely hard on me, she became like a mother to me. I was shaken to the very foundation of my bones.
I was tramatized. That was my first experience with death.
That night I was devastated , I cried out to the Lord for understanding/ "Lord if you are real why didn this happen.
Pattern 3
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In the recent events of the loss of my grandmother, I tried to do everything I could do to change my life for the better. Because I wanted to see her one day. My friends thought I was a bit crazy.
I would take the bible everywhere I went. But as time went on being a "Christian," got too hard. I again became like everyone else. I wanted to do because I just wanted to fit in and hide my pain. I thought if I could be like everyone else then I will be accepted by society.
In a search for my family one day, I came across a girl who shaLL just be named for purposes of safety she shall be named K.
She became a fast friend I never did find my family until one year later. As it ended up we became distant through the years, but she taught me a very lesson in kindness. Despite the events of today she has to this day has taught to be kind.
At 22, I entered my first year of college at Conesoga studying journalism, I enjoyed the party lifestyle I made some good friends. After a while with the stress of my program weighing down upon me.
I became a huge partier to escape the stress.
One night I was in drinking contest and I egotistical thinking that I win it all.
So I drank a mickie of rum and coke in a bottle.
I nearly died of alcohol posioning that night. May body temperature quickly dropped. I would throw up numerous times and need assistance from the local hospital. The ambulance had put 2 thermol blankets on me to keep body temperature up.
Pattern 4
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In an effort to get my feet grounded, I searched for an outside way to escape. I wanted to come back to live the good life. I wanted to come back to God. So I asked God to forgive me of my sins, and asked to help me find a connection with him again. I prayed and prayed. There were many nights where I felt alone. There was many nights where I felt disconnected to God.
I made a big move to a house which I love. I got away from the party scene and began to pray even harder. I still felt disconnected to God to a point I mean I had my fair share of sins , and I felt as though even though I may try to renew my life. God would never accept me.
Than I had a discussion with some members of my church and they stressed the importance of reading the bible to be strong in your walk with God. On March, 1 I made a choice to fully commit to the Lord. Much like a now or never sanerio. I'm glad I choose the now.... First when I came to Christ when I was 14, I did that whole God thing, I even got into the music.
But after a while the music became sappy, I needed music with an upbeat tempo. To be more specific I became interested in intense rap, like music from John Cena. It was orignally pretty easy to get into music from Cena. Because he was a wrestler from the WWE. If anybody knows me well enough they know that I LOVE wrestling. I mean come on as a small child I used to work out to Hulk Hogan cassettes.
I loved the rap by John Cena, it had an edge to that I was pleased with. But I still wanted that Christian value so I searched on YouTube for more Christian music. I searched for Rap that was Christian. I heard of artists like T-bone, Toby Mac and DC Talk. I came across an artist that I never heard of before. KJ52. Now his songs were pretty stellar. He had such an impact on me , he became my music mentor.
I tuned into to his Monday devotionals and searched for more music. He had such an impact on me that I would read the bible everyday. I liked KJ52 devotionals so much that I became more involved with my church by joining small study groups, disciplships and more. On March 1 , 2009 I was baptized and had a very powerful testimony.
The point being I have faced some of the darkest days and if I had to do I'd do it all over again , because I know before you get strength in the Lord you have to become weak. We all can have hope in Jesus Christ.
Bless the patterns of my life, for through the darkness I saw the light and was never left alone in the dark. But now I shine with the light of life.
It first started with 1 Christian friend in `99 then it became 2 in 2000, than 3 in 2001, than 6 in 2002, than 8 in 2007, than a multitude of a family of Christians in 2009.
"Anthony"
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