From pit to pastor- Devotional 16

Forgive me at first hand, this is a bit long....

Do you ever get the days where you get a sudden epiffany? How clear do they seem to you? In my own little world that I'm in I would call those ideas revelations.


The day was May 26, 1985, the time was 1:30 pm. At Victoria Hospital in London Ontario. My parents had just recieved terrible news concerning me.

The doctor said words that would shake anybody to their knees, but not parents.
Doctor: It seems like your baby boy has suffered serve damage to the left side of his brain.

In fact my parents (father especially) used this news as movitaion, all the doctors that we all saw, said one thing. This boy will never lead a nornmal life. He will never walk so don't even try... This news infuriated my dad to accept the diagnosis.


Years passed and I became aware of my differences, I hated , I never could be the quote on quote normal child that I wanted to be. I never was the strongest, the tallest, I had to wear smaller clothes than usual for my age, because I could never grow. So I grew up with plenty of hatered for the world and my differences...

I was determined to lead a "normal life" So I began to watch wrestling to escape the pain of living with terrible burden. Infact there was a time that I was acting like the wrestlers I saw on TV.

Thats right could you imagine me having all the wrestling weights , which were blue and working out to the Hulk Hogan excercise cassette tapes. I did everything I could to catch up with rest of the world.

At the age of 14, I came face to face with the reality of death in the loss of my grandmother, before that I just thought everyone just lived forever.


After my granmothers death, I was pretty depressed and wanted to search for a reason why that had happen. Thats where Kristin came in.

At the time I didn't know her but we had a friend in common so I sent her a random message. She was actually pretty nice about everything. She introduced me to music that I now can't live without hearing music from Kutless, Casting Crowns, Rebecca St. James, Chris Tomlin and many others.

From the word of God she sugguested that I join a website called TDDM which stands for Teen Daily Devotional Ministry. She was like my counsoler to me she was so kind. From that site I met my dear friend Silvie. She had such a passion for Jesus it resembled in the way she spoke to me. She is a person who assuming overwhelming happiness.

In Addition I made numerous friends from the sites ministry site. As time went though, I got pulled away , my friedns thought I was just a bit off my rocker. It became too hard to be a Christian.

So I faded fast as a clump of sand stives through your fingers I was barely gripping the concepts being taught to me. I would be at home, where it would resemble a battlefield more than an actual family.

Years later I asked to leave home and asked to live with other family members. The arguements at home at this point got very intese and very bloody. It usually ended with me crawling on the floor, or in a ball covering up.

It turned out the most of the family I lived refused to look at the situation from my point of view. I just wanted all of their viewpoints and opinions out of the era of the time of 50's .




As a child I would be watching wrestling and then they would go to a shoot interview featuring The Undertaker and or The Ultimate Warrior.
When this happened I would leap in the air and hide behind the living room couches and plug my ears.

Reguardless of that fact I would never be short on things to say , I would stand a mere 3"5 and weigh 50-60 pounds at 14. Yes you heard me right I really did weigh that much.

Which is why I loved wrestling so much , because I could focus on entertainment and for a few moments maybe a hour or two I could just enjoy life without having to be involved in fight with my parents or worry about my eatting disorder.

I still say that The Ultimate Warrior was just a bit crazy for me. But on the other hand The Undertaker did make me cry when I saw him at a random event at the CNE. He appeared out of nowhere walking to the ring, everything went dark and I was freaked... I honestly thought he was the boogyman. (the actual one.)

You can judge for yourself as I will post some videos of the two.

Anyway as time passed the fear of The giant of a man known as the Undertaker passed

Days before I left for college, I forgave my mother and father for how they abused me. They laughed and I went off to college.

I started at Conestoga in Kitchener under journalism, I did this because I loved to write. I got out of Journalism because I saw this news thing invovling THE WWE and CNN. I decided from that point on that even though I was a good journalism student, I wanted no part of that business.

I wasn't into ruining people reps. I had too much respect for wrestling superstars , heck I grew up watching them from a very young age. Most people childhood hereos would be Batman, Superman, Heman, Spiderman , members of the Fantasic 4. I had my heroes, They were Hulk Hogan, Brett Hart, Sting and even Rocky Bollea himself.
Frankly wrestlers known as The Ultimate Warrir and The Undertaker scared the living daylights out of me.


As I mentioned before it got extremely hard for me to be a Christian. I let it go really I went to college and enjoyed much of the party scene. It was a way for me to be cool, but one night I overstepped my bounds amd I would say, I was all partied out.

I was invovled in a drinking contest, and without a word I drank a mickie of rum and coke in under a minute. (No word of a lie) I ended up on the floor, I was picked up by friends and after throwing up numerous times, I somehow crawled on my stomach using every ounce of my shaking cold body to reach a phone. To call 911.

I did and I was treated for alcohol poisoning. That was the scariest night of my life, much scarier than the Undertaker. I know the people that carried my limp body to my room was quite scared, I was quickly freezing and my body temperature was dropping fast.

I was taken in the emerge by Grand River and was treated for alcohol posioning. I forgot to mention I also had 2 yes 2 thermal blankets on me to keep me warm and for my body temperature to regulate.

After that night I had begged my parents that I needed to move from this place that I was living in which was the local residence. It was too much for me. This caused my parents to have distress, mainly because at the res there was secruity, Reguardless of how my parents felt, I was presistant that I needed to move away.

When I moved I moved in a perfect area with a church a six minute walk from my house. Oh and it also a grocery store in the same area with a Dairy Queen and Tim Hortons in the same distance from eachother.

I went began to attend church and I enjoyed it infact that it was one of the places where I would feel like I was home. I could really find peace in Christ and Church. Along with the music I enjoyed it immensely. I got introduced to a rapper KJ52 (a Chtistian rapper, who became like my mentor. I became so involved with Christian music that I appllied for radio with dreams of going to work at Faith FM. I didn't get in but I was still hungry for God.

Reguardless of that , I still had my passion for music and got so invvolved it was like I had a plan for mysel without really consulting God on it... Now it is evidant that I LOVE TO TALK. I love God and I wanted to make a huge impact and give him praise for everything that I went through, and through it alll, I was very happy that Christ still called to me.

As I said I was into rap music, and that would have to be because of wresttler/rapper John Cena who wrote some killer lyrics. I still listen to some of Cena to remind myself of where I have been and what it took me to get here. Even I need some reminding now and than.
I now have grown so much in Christ, seeking and making friends. I can say that Krista and Amanda as sisters and friends and now my sisters in Christ have a very big impact, because they constantly speak to me and proudly testify about Jesus.


I would attribute people like Kristin , Melanie, KJ52, Casting Crowns, Kutless, my brother Angelo, Nathan Innes, Frank Struth, Silvie Jones, Reva Weeks, John Cena, Sting, the Hulkster, Taker, as being pilars to myself needing Christ.

Why would I consider them my piiars that lead me to faith, well its simple really I seeked foundation. My dad who is a brick layer, once said to me ,it is hard for a house to stand if they have no foundation.


What I believe I must do now is preach the gospel and become a pastor , use the gift of my speech to make disciples.
Mathew 28:19 Therefore go to them baptizing them in the name of the father , son and the holy ghost.

In a way if I was a tree and Jesus was the gardener people like John Cena , Jesus, Kristin , Silvie, Reva, Nathan, Taker KJ52, Frank Struth Casting Crowns, Sting and Hulk Hogan are my vines and I am the branch - *used as a metafor. John 15:1,2,3

I attritube all the praises to Jesus for alloing to come to him and feel not alone with the spirit of Jesus that lives within me, feel more alive than ever.

" The Undertaker" once said "Sometimes its hell trying to get to heaven." I think that is nicely put and thats the story of how I came from bottom of the pit to pastor.
Frank asked me a while ago if that desire of becoming a pastor still exist. I can say this. IT DOES, IT DOES....

Here is the difference between John Cena and KJ52
The Contrast is cool which why I love rap music, I don't listen rap for the beats but for the message being sung.....



John Cena - Right Now





The contrast between Undertaker and Warior - who is more scary?


The Undertaker


The Ultimate Warrior


When talking and making a devotional which discusses wrestling I would remise if I didn't include this video.....



"Anthony"

Weakness and Strength go hand in hand - Testimony to a life with Christ

Warning
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Some of the content in this post is very open. Some viewers may not like what they read, this is a message to the people the world who know me well and mostly this is a broken teary eyed confession to God. A word to the unbelievers if you doubt the higher power of God. I urge all of you to examine my story. I hope that it speaks to you ro begin a relationship with God, if you haven't already started.
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Have you ever heard of the expression "what doesn't KILL you makes you stronger?
If you want to know my big secret here it is. I'm a Christian.

Not one of those Christians that just goes to church on Sundays and than does what he wants for the rest of the week. No sir, that life isn't for me.

I lived that life and still professed I was a Christian. But during the week I would be like everyone else in the world, hitting on girls, drinking, never doing homework and most of all.

I didn't know anything about the Bible. As I was going along in life as we so often do I was spending time with my fair share of girls, thinking ok "Anthony your in college now, your going have a chance to sleep with all these girls."

Well to explain to you the REASON I crawled and cried for Christ Jesus can be described in one word. "patterns." I grew up like any other kid loving family with some issues but were hidden from everybody else.

Level ONE of my Patterns
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I was born and died only to be revived by hospital staff.
When I was incohearant on the brink of death the doctors told my parents that I had suffered servere damage to my brain, due to the lack of oxygen that I recieved.

I was born the with my twin brother Angelo who I am older to by 3 minutes. He hates it when I mention that, but hey I'm not going to argue with facts because sometimes thats just the way things go.

The so called damage to btain left me with a disabilluty which the health care professionals would call Cerebral Palsy.

I don't my parents were fully ready for the responsibillity that came with me. It was hard on them from the get go. My mother and father were simple factory workers in the area Stratford Ontario.

Alot of sacrifices were made on my parents behalf so that I could have a subpar life even with the difficulties of my disabillity.
My father did everything he could to help me. To say that I had a normal childhood would be an overstatement. I spent most of child visiting doctors , specialists and going in and out of hospitals.

It first started out with 1 surgery than 2, then 6 , 9 and finally 11. Yes that is correct you heard me right I did say 11 surgies.

Pattern 2
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Even though my parents did everything they could for me, Life at home was difficult. I was a very bitter child, suffering from an eating disorder. Just how bad was this eating disorder. I can admit now I never liked it much at home, I spent numerous days at my Gtandmothers house.

I can honestly say this, the very reason I managed to survive my childhood was becaause of the time I spent with my grandmother. There I was the happiest because my grandparents didn't look at me as a disappointment, but it was the complete opposite.

They spent a little more than there remaining years spending time with me. Come to think of it, I can't imagine what there phone bill must have been like. I must have called there six times a day. I was 11 years old when my grandmother took me to my first church services. I couldn't really understand what it actually meant to go ton church.

At the age of 14 I lost my grandma, it was extremely hard on me, she became like a mother to me. I was shaken to the very foundation of my bones.

I was tramatized. That was my first experience with death.
That night I was devastated , I cried out to the Lord for understanding/ "Lord if you are real why didn this happen.

Pattern 3
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In the recent events of the loss of my grandmother, I tried to do everything I could do to change my life for the better. Because I wanted to see her one day. My friends thought I was a bit crazy.

I would take the bible everywhere I went. But as time went on being a "Christian," got too hard. I again became like everyone else. I wanted to do because I just wanted to fit in and hide my pain. I thought if I could be like everyone else then I will be accepted by society.

In a search for my family one day, I came across a girl who shaLL just be named for purposes of safety she shall be named K.

She became a fast friend I never did find my family until one year later. As it ended up we became distant through the years, but she taught me a very lesson in kindness. Despite the events of today she has to this day has taught to be kind.

At 22, I entered my first year of college at Conesoga studying journalism, I enjoyed the party lifestyle I made some good friends. After a while with the stress of my program weighing down upon me.

I became a huge partier to escape the stress.
One night I was in drinking contest and I egotistical thinking that I win it all.
So I drank a mickie of rum and coke in a bottle.

I nearly died of alcohol posioning that night. May body temperature quickly dropped. I would throw up numerous times and need assistance from the local hospital. The ambulance had put 2 thermol blankets on me to keep body temperature up.

Pattern 4
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In an effort to get my feet grounded, I searched for an outside way to escape. I wanted to come back to live the good life. I wanted to come back to God. So I asked God to forgive me of my sins, and asked to help me find a connection with him again. I prayed and prayed. There were many nights where I felt alone. There was many nights where I felt disconnected to God.


I made a big move to a house which I love. I got away from the party scene and began to pray even harder. I still felt disconnected to God to a point I mean I had my fair share of sins , and I felt as though even though I may try to renew my life. God would never accept me.

Than I had a discussion with some members of my church and they stressed the importance of reading the bible to be strong in your walk with God. On March, 1 I made a choice to fully commit to the Lord. Much like a now or never sanerio. I'm glad I choose the now.... First when I came to Christ when I was 14, I did that whole God thing, I even got into the music.

But after a while the music became sappy, I needed music with an upbeat tempo. To be more specific I became interested in intense rap, like music from John Cena. It was orignally pretty easy to get into music from Cena. Because he was a wrestler from the WWE. If anybody knows me well enough they know that I LOVE wrestling. I mean come on as a small child I used to work out to Hulk Hogan cassettes.

I loved the rap by John Cena, it had an edge to that I was pleased with. But I still wanted that Christian value so I searched on YouTube for more Christian music. I searched for Rap that was Christian. I heard of artists like T-bone, Toby Mac and DC Talk. I came across an artist that I never heard of before. KJ52. Now his songs were pretty stellar. He had such an impact on me , he became my music mentor.

I tuned into to his Monday devotionals and searched for more music. He had such an impact on me that I would read the bible everyday. I liked KJ52 devotionals so much that I became more involved with my church by joining small study groups, disciplships and more. On March 1 , 2009 I was baptized and had a very powerful testimony.

The point being I have faced some of the darkest days and if I had to do I'd do it all over again , because I know before you get strength in the Lord you have to become weak. We all can have hope in Jesus Christ.

Bless the patterns of my life, for through the darkness I saw the light and was never left alone in the dark. But now I shine with the light of life.
It first started with 1 Christian friend in `99 then it became 2 in 2000, than 3 in 2001, than 6 in 2002, than 8 in 2007, than a multitude of a family of Christians in 2009.

"Anthony"

He put a new song my mouth! Devotional # 4

Its 2:00am Wednesday Morning March 11, 2009 and normally I would be sleeping but this idea came to me and I thought it was cruical that I should blog about it right away rather than let it pass it by.

It's no secret by now, but I was born to speak , I believe it was my god given talent! I wasn't born physically to be a hero , but one thing I could do and the only thing I was proud to do was talk.
I grew up listening to FM96 London's best ROCK I enjoyed very much, I would always get right into the tunes in the radio by head-banging
But as everyone does I camne to a crossroads at 20. I had to decide what I really wanted out of life. I had to take into account my physical demands and than I weighed my creative passion demands, what was I passionate about you ask?

Writing simply, I believed that I could use my imagination to create masterpieces and for a while it was effective. I wrote a book about my life. I called it My "Dark Shadows." My parents were impressed by this and sugguested that I should take journalism if I like writing so much. So thats exactly what I did and I loved it I believe the most influenital friend I met in journalism friend was Adam Russell.


Journalism - Print was AWESOME so many "Cool" people in the program the studying wasn't half bad either, I learned so much. But God pulled a 180 on me mid semester. I was placed in Broadcast Newswriting with professor Paul Godkin. I had a blast in the course we learned all about radio and how to write great and fast stories. The time came that each of us had to do a radio project. I chose to my radio project on my cousins business Bud's Driving School. I enjoyed it so much that I spoke with Paul and said that absolutely loved the project and would like to switch to broadcast radio because I love to talk and I have a great appreication for music. I could listen to it for hours on end. So I went on a whym and decide to make an effort to apply to Conestoga Radio.


For the summer, I spent interviewing people on the radio and creating a whole portfolio using a computer program Audacity. I was so proud of the world I did. So I went in to the interview and unfortunately I did not get in because my portfolio was lacking. Was I mad, YES! I was, I had to re-organize my opitions, than my parents suggested that I go to Fanshawe to because it was close to home. There was no need for a portfolio but I wanted to make one anyway, because I didn't want them to ever have a change to say no to me. Unfortunately I didn't get in, this kinda disappointed me, because one of the biggest dreams I had was to work at FM96. They didn't even check my portfolio.... So I had talk with my friend Nathan Innes and I asked him about where to turn and what should I do after Fanshawe turned me down? Keep in mind I still had the portfolio radio script. You all can check it out, "Saving private radio." Needless to say I thought of something, I was so bound and continouesly determined to reach my dreams, My hope is to film Saving private radio this summer to prepare to show it Conestogas Radio Department when I'm finished shooting it. In despair I read something that my friend Sarah Carmichael wrote that she didn't get into radio the first time she applied to it. She is now, and shes hosts wicked shows! So I got some hope from that not to "let the man keep me down."

Since September I have been growing more spirtual and March 1, 2009 I was baptised in the holy spirit for the second time. The church I have been attending is The Pioneer Park Church of God which I love it has come like a home to me. I have been able to find meaning and better spiritual growth than ever before, now a days I can't miss a Sunday, I refuse to go home because I don't want to miss one Sunday of Church. So I came to the realization in my conversation , maybe Fanshawe turned me down, because with God's help I now have a spiritual foundation with him now finally after many years. So I started to think with the re-organization of my new portfolio amd a relationship with God, Is it finally time to step up to the plate. I have gained a new appreaction for music on a gospel level. I can REALLY tune into the message of God, by listening to Gospel Rap and Christan Genre music. I hear to say to KJ 52 I bet you wonder everyday if your music is reaching and how will those who listen respond? I am hear to tell you, I hear the message of God loud and clear. I LOVE IT!!!
So earlier tonight I was reading todays devotional, for March 11, 2009. The devotional is entitled Flying Machine.

Flying Machine
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Recording artist James Taylor exploded onto the music scene in early 1970 with the song “Fire and Rain.” In it, he talked about the disappointments of life, describing them as “sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.” That was a reference to Taylor’s original band Flying Machine, whose attempt at breaking into the recording industry had failed badly, causing him to wonder if his dreams of a musical career would ever come true. The reality of crushed expectations had taken their toll, leaving Taylor with a sense of loss and hopelessness.

The psalmist David also experienced hopeless despair as he struggled with his own failures, the attacks of others, and the disappointments of life. In Psalm 6:6 he said, “I am weary with my groaning; all night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with my tears.” The depth of his sorrow and loss drove him to heartache—but in that grief he turned to the God of all comfort. David’s own crushed and broken “flying machines” gave way to the assurance of God’s care, prompting him to say, “The Lord has heard my supplication; the Lord will receive my prayer” (v.9).

In our own seasons of disappointment, we too can find comfort in God, who cares for our broken hearts. — Bill Crowder

Even in my darkest hour
The Lord will bless me with His power;
His loving grace will sure abound,
In His sweet care I shall be found. —Brandt

God’s whisper of comfort quiets the noise of our trials.

The verses that really spoke to me, was Pslams 6, Pslams 40- 3 He put a new song in my mouth. A song that spoke to me tonight was KJ-52's Fifth Element. A section that I enjoyed was, Who am I? See I'm the God that you don't know about
I gave you breath up in your lungs that you can't go without
See you know the facts of My story you been told about
I'm always reaching out for you but you just keep on holding out
I know your doubts, I know you're thinking that I ain't real
See I know you forgot about Me when you got ya last record deal
See I know the way you feel, I walked the earth just like you
And like a child up in his Father's arms, I long to hide you
Many times I invite you while standing here right besides you
But you walk right past, you ignore My hands here given to guide you
I gave you gifts, I gave you talents that you just used to gain your wealth
But you took my gifts and talents only for you, just to glorify yourself
I was beaten and bruised, crushed now for your iniquity
Stripped naked, I was spit upon just for you to live eternally
Yet you blaspheme Me, you make moves without asking Me
Then you blame Me for your troubles and calamaties, you kidding me?
Keep Me first, keep Me in your life, and it's gonna be allright
See I'm Jesus Christ, the Fifth Element up in here tonight


In the words of KJ-52 "WHO am I" , I am ANTHONY and The Lord put a new song in my mouth.